SEPTEMBER ??
We told my mother that we would have to cancel cable because it would cost too much after my husband quit working for the cable company. We knew she wasn't going to like it, because the only thing she ever did was watch TV all day. She turned it into a conversation about our finances, and said she wondered where all our money was. I don't like talking about money, and I let my husband handle our money so that I'm not stressed about it. I refused to speak during her interrogation, one she claimed came from a "place of love" (when they have to say that, you know it doesn't), which angered her. I told her that she needed to accept the fact that sometimes I had nothing to say and didn't want to talk, and she needed to stop taking it as a personal slight against her.
Well, of course she took that as a personal slight. She later demanded that I come downstairs and talk to her about my "little outburst," as she called it. I told her she wasn't going to corner me and lecture me like I was a little kid. I should've walked away right then, because she was trying to bait me. She said I was ungrateful, that the last several months had shown me what an "evil" person I was, that she had never done anything wrong to me and that she would never admit to doing anything wrong.
That told me everything I needed to know. I told her if that was the way she felt, we had no more reason to talk. She griped that we already didn't talk, and I asked her why I would talk to her. What did we have to talk about? We had nothing in common, and whenever I did tell her anything, she would immediately turn around and gossip about it with my aunts and half-sister. She then said that she had the "right to vent." That was her justification for all the trash she talked, not just about me, but about anyone who dared cross her. She essentially told me that she was entitled to my unconditional love and attention by virtue of being my mother. She demanded more of me, and she demanded that I do it joyfully. She
wanted me to push down everything I felt, and shower her with praise and
affection.
I became so angry that I started crying. I hate that I do that. I wish I could just be angry without looking like a baby, because God knows I was furious. Maybe "hurt" is a better word. That's reason enough to cry, I think. I wasn't going to roll over for her. I asked her if it was a requirement for daughters to speak to their mothers, and she was flabbergasted. She couldn't answer. She finally said, "I've never heard anything like that in my life." I told her she should tell my aunt and sister all about it, and left.
OCTOBER 20
My husband upgraded our Hulu account to allow live TV to replace cable. He wrote up a long, detailed guide for my mother so that she could learn how to use it, and she never read it. Instead of trying to familiarize herself with things that are new to her, she makes us explain everything, and even then she complains that she doesn't understand. She always has an attitude when she has to learn how to do something, because she's either easily flustered or just doesn't feel like she should have to do it herself. Maybe it's both. She was the same way when she had to learn to use Uber.
OCTOBER 23
Mine and my husband's tenth anniversary of being together. We never had a ceremony when we first got married because we didn't have the time or money. My mother made us get legally married before we were ready because he was living with us, and my mother was worried that when my dad visited, he would blow up at her for letting us live together before we were wed. She was worried about her image, but my dad never even asked about my husband living with us. Honestly, I don't think he would've cared.
We had to come up with an elaborate lie about what we did that night and why we came home with cake and flowers. It was one of the most monumentally amazing and important days of my life, and I couldn't even share my joy with my mother. Isn't what what we're supposed to do?
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