MARCH 4
My mother said she was leaving for a few days. She pulled my husband aside and told him to take care of her cat, as if I didn't know how or I would deliberately neglect him. I've had cats all my life, and my husband grew up with a dog, but she decided to put the task on him.
I took better care of her pets than she did. When she still had a car and before we moved back in, she would go days without putting litter in the boxes because she was too lazy to go buy the litter. I had to clean and fill the boxes, and even buy the litter on occasion. Her neglect of the boxes was so bad that her female cat chose instead to pee and poop in the upstairs hallway, so much that it ruined the carpet and padding, and warped the floor beneath them.
Aside from the business with her cat, my husband told me that my mother was trying to pry information out of him about me. She was trying to get him to say that I wouldn't go downstairs because of her. He simply told her that I was sick and it had gotten worse, which I was and it did. She asked things like, "how is she eating? How are your cats eating? Where is their food?" I'd brought food upstairs for myself, and the cat food was already upstairs. If my husband was home and I needed anything from downstairs, I asked him to grab it for me. It sounded to me like she was angry that I was successfully avoiding her.
In the face of everything she had said and done, she complained about how I wouldn't come downstairs or do anything with her. I couldn't do anything with her even if I wanted to; we have nothing in common. We don't like any of the same stuff. When I tried to share the things I loved, it either turned into a scolding, a life lesson, or she just made it obvious that I was boring her. But she tried to talk to me all the time about stuff like football, but no matter how many times I outright told her that I don't like sports or know anything about them, she demanded that I listen to her talk about them. In fact, she's the reason I don't like sports. When I was little, she made me dress in a cheerleader outfit and drove my brother and I two hours to a football game for her favorite team. It was scorching hot, there was no shade, and I was so bored that I fell asleep.
I took better care of her pets than she did. When she still had a car and before we moved back in, she would go days without putting litter in the boxes because she was too lazy to go buy the litter. I had to clean and fill the boxes, and even buy the litter on occasion. Her neglect of the boxes was so bad that her female cat chose instead to pee and poop in the upstairs hallway, so much that it ruined the carpet and padding, and warped the floor beneath them.
Aside from the business with her cat, my husband told me that my mother was trying to pry information out of him about me. She was trying to get him to say that I wouldn't go downstairs because of her. He simply told her that I was sick and it had gotten worse, which I was and it did. She asked things like, "how is she eating? How are your cats eating? Where is their food?" I'd brought food upstairs for myself, and the cat food was already upstairs. If my husband was home and I needed anything from downstairs, I asked him to grab it for me. It sounded to me like she was angry that I was successfully avoiding her.
In the face of everything she had said and done, she complained about how I wouldn't come downstairs or do anything with her. I couldn't do anything with her even if I wanted to; we have nothing in common. We don't like any of the same stuff. When I tried to share the things I loved, it either turned into a scolding, a life lesson, or she just made it obvious that I was boring her. But she tried to talk to me all the time about stuff like football, but no matter how many times I outright told her that I don't like sports or know anything about them, she demanded that I listen to her talk about them. In fact, she's the reason I don't like sports. When I was little, she made me dress in a cheerleader outfit and drove my brother and I two hours to a football game for her favorite team. It was scorching hot, there was no shade, and I was so bored that I fell asleep.
MARCH 6
My mother sent my husband a text asking how her cat was, knowing that I was really sick, and didn't ask about me. By then, these deliberate barbs didn't surprise me anymore, but they were no less disappointing.
MARCH 7
My mother came back from my aunt's, where they no doubt spent every waking minute talking trash. While she was away, I remember cleaning up the downstairs floors because she refused to clean anything anymore. We had to wear shoes inside because the floors made our feet so dirty. My mother would let her dirty dishes fester in the sink until they smelled like rotten eggs. She complained to my family that I was the lazy one, that I had nothing else to do, so I should be cleaning everything, even if it wasn't my mess. I'm not a slave or a maid. What an entitled mindset.
MARCH 8
I was sick of being belittled by my mother for being unemployed, and I was sick of her expecting me to be her maid. So, I got a job. At the martial arts studio.
One night, after class, I asked Master R if they needed any help. I'd told her that I just loved being there, that it was an encouraging and healing place for me to be away from my mother, and that I desperately needed to be away from home. She was ecstatic that I had asked, because their manager at the time was getting ready to leave, and they hadn't found a replacement for her yet.
It was so liberating, and I began feeling like I had value in the world. I didn't even tell my mother that I'd gotten a job. I wanted it to be my own private victory. But, of course, it didn't last long.
One night, after class, I asked Master R if they needed any help. I'd told her that I just loved being there, that it was an encouraging and healing place for me to be away from my mother, and that I desperately needed to be away from home. She was ecstatic that I had asked, because their manager at the time was getting ready to leave, and they hadn't found a replacement for her yet.
It was so liberating, and I began feeling like I had value in the world. I didn't even tell my mother that I'd gotten a job. I wanted it to be my own private victory. But, of course, it didn't last long.
MARCH 12
My mother was waiting for my husband in the driveway when he got home from work. She demanded to know where I was, and he told her that I was at the martial arts studio. She asked, "what's she doing there?" and he said, "helping out." She asked, "oh, she works there now?"
The dynamic of what few conversations we had after that seemed to change. I'd already known about all the trash she talked about me being "lazy" and unemployed. She was obsessed with knowing my schedule because, with a job, her schedule was suddenly at the mercy of mine. I heard her whining on the phone once that her life had to revolve around mine and my husband's schedules now.
I'm unemployed, she's mad. I get a job, she's mad. She wasn't happy for me or proud. She was determined to be upset. I was re-establishing independence and it annoyed her.
The dynamic of what few conversations we had after that seemed to change. I'd already known about all the trash she talked about me being "lazy" and unemployed. She was obsessed with knowing my schedule because, with a job, her schedule was suddenly at the mercy of mine. I heard her whining on the phone once that her life had to revolve around mine and my husband's schedules now.
I'm unemployed, she's mad. I get a job, she's mad. She wasn't happy for me or proud. She was determined to be upset. I was re-establishing independence and it annoyed her.
OVERVIEW
I think this was about the time my mother realized she was beginning to lose her grasp on me, but at the same time, she got her kicks by pushing me away. She was a miserable person who wanted a punching bag, someone who would just lay down and take it, and I decided that I was no longer going to be her object of derision. And that pissed her off more than anything.
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